Not Quite Terran
by Wednesday1990
Summary: A 'What If' One-shot about the Collector taking an interest in Peter instead of Groot, what with his half-human, half-something else DNA. After all, Peter's kind of unique, and the Collector is always interested in the unique.


Peter walked into the cavernous room filled with objects from all over the galaxy. To be honest, as impressive as the collection was, he couldn't help but get the creeps. Especially when he spotted a few sullen humanoids in their own glass cases. Peter shuddered and kept his eyes pointing forward. And if he was subtly moving closer to Gamora and the rest, then who was going to tell?

"I present to you," the pink-skinned attendant, Carina, said flamboyantly. "Taneleer Tivan. The Collector."

A bizarre-looking man peered over his fancy specs at them condescendingly. Although Peter couldn't even say why he thought the man was bizarre. He'd certainly seen stranger-looking folk since he stared traveling the galaxy with the Ravagers, but maybe it was just the fact that this was the man who put together this strange cross-breed of a menagerie and a mausoleum.

Peter stood awkwardly in the back as Gamora walked up to Tivan and somehow didn't punch the guy in the face when he started cooing at her and kissing her hand.

The Collector looked up from Gamora's hand and did a double take, and the group, minus Peter, watched him carefully as he dropped her hand and started to walk forward.

"And what." Tivan said suddenly, and Peter turned around from looking at the dog in the astronaut suit. "Are you?"

Peter assumed he meant Groot, and looked over to the friendly tree man next to him, and shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure by now that he's a Groot," Peter said, when no one offered anything. It was then that he realized everyone was looking at him and not the friendly tree giant.

"As fascinating as your friend over there is," Tivan began, practically slithering over to the self-proclaimed Star-Lord, his steady gaze making Peter feel like he was being dissected. "I was not talking about him. What. Are **you**?

"Uh, Peter Quill, Star Lord."

"You are not from Asgard... or Vanaheim. Nor are you Xandarian..." Tivan muttered to himself as he began circling the confused Terran. "What are you?"

"Uh," Peter said, the creepy vibes coming the Collector multiplying by a thousand. "I'm Terran. You know, from Terra. It's kind of backwater, I can understand why you might not have heard of it."

"Hmm," Tivan hummed as he stopped behind Peter, making the hairs on the back of his neck raise on end. "From Asgardian territory then? Yes, but not quite."

Tivan took a large whiff from Peter, and he had to stop him from doing something drastic. Like, punching the guy who was going to pay them 4 billion units or peeing his pants.

"There is... something else, isn't there?" Tivan said musingly. "Not quite Terran."

"Umm," Peter said, looking frantically at his companions who looked just as confused as he did. Rocket in particular looked like he was losing his patience, if the hand twitching toward his blaster meant what Peter thought it did.

"Pretty sure it's just Terran," Peter said, thinking back uneasily to his mother's description of his father as an angel of pure light. But that was just death-bed ramblings...right?

"I think not," Tivan said with finality as he flitted over to one of his odd-looking monitors.

"Tivan," Gamora implored, trying to distract Tivan from whatever had caught his interest. "What about the Orb?"

"Just a moment," Tivan flicked a hand in her direction, only taking his eyes off the hologram he was poking to look at Peter. "I would like to see if my suspicions are correct."

"Suspicions? What the fuck is suspicious about Quill?" Rocket put in his two cents. "Like he said, he's just some squishy Earther. Trust me, he goes down quick enough. Nothing special over there."

Peter started to glare at Rocket, but rethought it when he caught the anxious look the raccoon sent him. Looks like he wasn't the only one thoroughly worried and creeped out by the freaky collection and its freaky keeper.

"Perhaps you should put a muzzle on your pet," Tivan said lightly, his eyes flickering over Rocket for only a second. "It only speaks nonsense."

Tivan must have found what he was looking for because he completely ignored Rocket's enraged screeching and the struggle that ensued as Gamora, Peter, and Groot kept Rocket from leaping onto the smug-looking Collector.

"After all, it looks like I was correct," Tivan said, pointing at what looked like DNA. Peter's DNA most likely, but personally he couldn't see any difference between his and any other random humanoid. Biology was never his strong point.

"Correct about what?" Peter said warily, inching closer to the display against his better judgement. Tivan looked over to him and smiled.

"You are only half Terran," he told him. "But the other half- ahhhh, I have never seen a creature such as yourself. I believe you are... truly one of a kind."

And that was when Peter knew he really, really, really didn't like the look on the Collector's face. It reminded him of that time the Ravager's were contracted to find some test subjects for a mad-scientist type on a Xandarian backwater colony. The way that guy had looked at the poor creatures he was going to savagely dissect was just how this Taneleer Tivan was looking at him.

"The, uh, other half?" Peter prompted, figuring if he could keep the guy talking then he could buy more time to think up an escape plan.

"Something much more rare than even a Terran," Tivan continued, seemingly content on dragging this out as long as he could. "Something that I have only had the pleasure of encountering just once in person. A Spartoi."

Peter wasn't quite sure what the crazy Collector guy meant but everyone else in the room froze, even Carina, and looked over at Peter.

"What?" Peter whispered hoarsely to Gamora. "What is that?"

"The Spartoi," Gamora said, looking intently at Peter. "Of the Spartax Empire, sister race to the Shi'ar. Rarely are they seen outside of their own quadrant."

"Yes," Tivan confirmed. "So imagine my surprise when the most impossible appears before me. A hybrid between a Terran and a Spartoi. Most intriguing. You must allow me rights to your carcass. Once you've expired naturally, of course."

"Uh, I'll think about it," Peter said, trying to absorb this new information and the strangest proposition he'd received to date. "But about this Orb..."


End file.
